Patience is most unabashedly a virtue. And one I have to say is not one of my strong suits.
I am what I have called categorically impatient even...
While I was writing last week I had this thought come to me. In the midst of all the turmoil, change, and pain I feel typically in this month there is always the choice, the message, the deeper meaning from the Universe communicating to me.
Lamenting my situation with a dear friend and healer (also a talented intuitive silk painter) Mary Ann Holley of Heaven on Earth Silks she reminded me of something I had said to her just days before:
Think good thoughts for me I'm manifesting some major change by the end of the year.
I have to say I'm famous for such foreshadowing words. And like always, when I said these I didn't really consider the impact of putting such energy out into the world. I didn't realize that such a general statement would have such specific influence on my life. Even though I knew better than to believe that...
I had to laugh at her reminder of it. And as I'd completely forgotten what I'd said days before I cried out to her, "This is not the sort of change I meant!" Which of course was met with a resounding, "Be careful what you ask for."
As the day went on and I drifted from sadness to anger to fear and back through again I had an abject moment of clarity. Literally a message from Goddess, specifically Hekate (my Maiden Goddess Patron).
I saw myself in the middle of a mist so thick it was like fog. I knew I was in the middle of a crossroads, but I could see in no direction, not even up or down. And then ever so faintly I saw the vague brightness of what looked to be a lantern coming to me slowly from the left of me.
That was a powerful message. Usually, when I beseech Hekate She urges me to douse the flame and find my way out without that sort of thing. She is a goddess of choices and change. I always go seeking a straightforward answer, but She never has one. Instead I am urged to be patience and loving and find my way out slowly without the benefit of "having all the answers".
Its a decidedly difficult thing to do for me, to release control, to not know how to proceed and yet feel forced to move forward. And yet its not a strange occurrence in my life. I also must remark on the theme of patience and trust in another area of my life and again it causes a bit of mirth.
In the darkness of this time of year, even as it wanes, the light is still there if we but choose to see it. ~ Naware
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